General Assembly: “We Need You!”

General Assembly: Enforcing non-violence & horizontality – whether you like it or not!  

Tennnnnnnnnn-Hut!!!

Now listen up you filthy occupiers! I have reliable intelligence that an elite international force are planning an invasion of the capital city this coming month. These guys are pros: they’ve already strategically placed surface-to-air missiles at civilian locations and are preparing for a relentless month-long assault. It’s gonna be tough, and they’ll throw everything they’ve got at us, but it’s up to us to resist this attack on our democracy!

Are you with me? I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME, SOLDIER? If any one of you latrine-lickers puts so much as a nostril hair out of place I’m gonna make me a Liberal Intervention: my boot in your ass! That’s better…

The enemy is highly organised, has huge resources to draw on, and aims to spread their sick misinformation and propaganda of corporate sponsorship, efficient markets and gentrification. They will implement an elaborate “hearts and minds” strategy, throwing a huge “sporting event” as a smokescreen to hide their true intentions. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, and one of the most effective, so we’re going to need a highly strategic plan.

There ain’t no point in playing them at their own game – they’ll just out-gun us. Instead we’re gonna have to employ non-violent guerrilla tactics of subversive agitation. The enemy will attempt to disable us by capturing our leaders, so we won’t have any! They will try to find weak points in our hierarchy, so we’ll adopt horizontal organisation. And they will try to demoralise us, so we will need lulz.

It may seem unconventional, but dang it, these are unconventional times, and a wave of autonomous resistance might just take them by surprise. Either way, it’s our only hope.

We live in grave times, soldiers. Greece has already fallen to the imperialist forces, and Spain, Italy and Portugal are in the enemy’s sights. If we don’t act now, soon it could be too late. One thing we have to our advantage is numbers. We outstrip them 99 to 1, and have honour, integrity and solidarity on our side.

So I want to see a movement, people! And I want to see it move! Now march with me…

I don’t know but I’ve been told…. (I don’t know but I’ve been told….)

It’s us who pay when the banks all fold… (It’s us who pay when the banks all fold….)

We take the flak because the 99 percent…. (We take the flak because the 99 percent….)

Can’t afford health-care or pay the rent…. (Can’t afford health-care or pay the rent….)

Bailed out the banks and got sold-out….  (Bailed out the banks and got sold-out….)

This is class war without a doubt…. (This is class war without a doubt….)

Whose streets? (Whose streets?)

Your streets! (Your streets!)

My streets! (My streets!)

Our streets! (Our streets!)

Mean streets (mean streets)

Reclaim them streets! (Reclaim them streets!)

This is what democracy looks like.. (This is what democracy looks like..)

Not a big fat bonus or a corporate pay-hike.. (Not a big fat bonus or a corporate pay-hike…)

We want change, and we want it now… (We want change, and we want it now…)

Destroy the FTSE and smash the DOW… (Destroy the FTSE and Smash the DOW…)