With the government announcing plans to update the citizenship test to be taken by people seeking a UK passport, the OT, ever keen to assist, offers the following alternative test. How well do you know the real Britain?
1. St. George is the patron saint of England, but was he:
A) a racist from Luton
B) the founder of England
C) the great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather of John Terry
D) a Palestinian soldier
2. To be an MP in the UK you will need to:
A) play an active role in your local community
B) have a degree in PPE from Oxford
C) have a profound desire for equality for all
D) have never committed any kind of fraud
3. Theresa May is:
A) alarmingly, the Home Secretary
B) a distant relation of Erwin Schrödinger
C) a big fan of Human Rights
D) secretly the Cat Bin Lady
4. Which of these countries will the UK illegally invade next?
A) Iran
B) Syria
C) Pakistan
D) Yemen
5. The United Kingdom gained most of its wealth through:
A) trade and commerce
B) charitable donations
C) the Euromillions jackpot
D) the exploitation of people and the theft of resources from other countries
6. Which of these countries does the UK NOT supply arms to?
A) Libya
B) Israel
C) Iran
D) Saudi Arabia
7. Who owns the Bank of England?
A) The Queen
B) The public
C) The government
D) We are not allowed to know
8. Who owns the most land in the UK?
A) The Duke of Buccleuch and Queensbury
B) The Ministry of Defence
C) Tesco
D) The Forestry Commision
9. According to the Tax Justice Network, how much tax is avoided each year in the UK?
A) Zero. We have to pay their taxes, stupid
B) £69.9 billion
C) Just a penny here and there
D) Who cares? It’s legal. And everything that’s legal is morally acceptable
10. Deputy Prime minister Nick Clegg did community service for committing which crime?
A) Arson
B) Telling big porky pies
C) Being in possession of two faces at the same time
D) Impersonating a decent human being
Failure to score at least 7 correct questions out of 10 will result in you being deported (unless you work in the finance industry).
Answers: 1) D (ironic we don’t even recognise Palestine as a country) 2) B, 3) A, but it could well apply to all of them, 4) Anyone’s guess, all correct, 5) D, 6) Trick question, we supply them all, 7) B apparently, 8) A, 9) B, 10) A,