Political Horoscope: May

COP

Recent events could have you yearning to join those you’ve stood in the way of for so long. Rather than denying yourself or feeling guilty, use it as an opportunity to grow. You often feel empowered, but are you really as strong as you think? The summer will see your services in great demand, but are you serving society, or are you getting served?

 

BANKER

Toward the start of the month past actions might come back to haunt you. Luckily, your clout with people in positions of authority means help will be at hand. Remember though, don’t take risks with other people’s livelihood if you wouldn’t do it with your own. The end of the month will see a huge bonus come your way, but to atone for your past, look after your futures.

 

NATIONALIST

In times of crisis you tend to play the blame game, but you need to look up to find those really keeping you down. To achieve happiness, learn the value of variety and overcome your fear of all things different and new. Despite your hard exterior, you’re a sentimentalist at heart. Were things really so good back in the day?

 

ANONYMOUS

Your mischievous personality is at its height this month but an external barrier hides the true you within. You are the epitome of contradictions – private and attention-seeking by turns – and this can disguise your truly profound contours. Try leaving the house to brighten your mood, and remember, people in glass houses… The letter V brings luck.

 

PACIFIST

Violent rhetoric in the media is an unwelcome melody, but do not let this recent cacophony become the soundtrack of May – for this month’s music is your own. As the song goes “there may be trouble ahead,” but look not outward to moonlight for the answers; illumination comes from within. This insight will find you in solitude when *that* song gets stuck in your head.

 

ANARCHIST

Misunderstood? Poorly represented? Infiltrated? Let not these paranoid musings dominate the month ahead, for a clear mind is needed. When the “authorities” attempt to quell mid-month rebellion, let this clarity guide your response. Be ready to testify and poeticise  the response, but should eyes then turn to you for leadership, remember: anarchy is a one-letter word (beginning with “I”).

 

WORKER

You may still have a job, and after your efforts you deserve it, but that means that your taxes are funding bombs and bailouts. If you have any salary left after paying your exorbitant rent, fuel and energy bills as well as for food and clothing then treat yourself to a few well-earned beverages at a local hostelry. Remember: work is the curse of the drinking classes!

 

STUDENT

The degree to which you let this month’s planetary alignment affect your studies may result in a large debt being incurred. Plan on using May’s actions as prime-time study sessions. Kettled at King’s Cross? Better bring Marx’s Das Kapital. Pepper sprayed in Piccadilly? Plan ahead and load up your mp3 player with audiobooks. You’ll be scoring distinctions in no time!

 

PENSIONER

An unexpected letter informs you that long-awaited rewards aren’t yours after all. You may have felt taken advantage of recently, and it’s possible you’ve been made the scapegoat in someone else’s agenda, but don’t feel too sorry for yourself. The privileges you took for granted are soon to be resigned to history. You may not have much future left, but at least you once had one.

 

NEOLIBERAL

After a long period of feeling satisfied, things have recently taken a turn for the worse – for the rest of society, that is. Let not the ‘voices of the 99%’ slow your fine progress towards the liberation of new markets. There are plenty more ‘moochers’ to catch the blessing of the old-time ‘trickle down’ trick! If romance is your thing, just remember: everyone has a price.

 

CHAMPAGNE SOCIALIST

Do not shed all of this month’s tears on the gruelling portrayal of Dickensian poverty in the theatre – there are, after all, reasons to be cheerful too. Are you sure don’t have to suffer with those truly worse off to be their guardian? You have a good eye for where others are going wrong, but don’t always hold yourself to the same lofty standards – do that, and you will gain respect.

 

LIBERAL

Don’t be surprised if you do a lot of soul-searching this month, but chastising yourself for being gullible will mean nothing without action. Liberty is important to you, so don’t get suckered into a deal that promises riches for all involved but delivers for only a few. Remember: having strong principles isn’t a fault, and tolerating intolerance only renders you impotent.